Local online news publisher closes up shop to run for office

A local online news publisher, who wishes to remain un-named, has decided to close up shop and pursue his lifelong political ambitions.  "I'm totally opposed to some of what is going on," he said. "Some of that other stuff is okay, but I intend to listen to the will of the people.  Sometimes.  If it's not too inconvenient."


"Furthermore, if elected I promise to squeeze every penny nickel I can out of the position.  It's my belief that the electorate can be best served by happy and rested representatives, so I will establish an office in the Bahamas, where my door will always be open to the concerns of my constituents."

"I've been studying for this my whole life," he explained, "and I finally feel I have a firm enough grasp on the basic principles of politics to do the job that needs to be done.  I can manipulate facts with a straight face, I can  make promises long before I know what reasons I will give for not keeping them, and last week I even kissed a baby."

As for the news he said "Who needs it?"

Tipping the server 5% before heading out of the restaurant where this interview was conducted he quipped "I think Albertans deserve some change."