Jail and Bail raises spirits and funds for local football

The shame!

Chris Davis

Judge Dan "the Gopher Man" Crawford presided over a makeshift court at the Ranchland Mall last weekend. Various shifty individuals were dragged before hizzoner to face a laundry list of charges.  The bail raised ultimately helped pay for about a third of the money the Pincher Creek Mustangs football club needs for a year.

About 20 people helped run the event, including coaches, players, law enforcement personnel, and the Mustangs' fearless leader Faith Zachar.

There were three goals for the weekend:

1. Have fun in all aspects from being arrested to charged and incarcerated.  (The judge says that part was 100% successful.  Never argue with a judge.)
2. Raise the public awareness of the Mustangs teams.  Help Pincher Creek realize that the Mustangs are their teams. (How are we doing so far?)
3. Make some money.

Here are the charges levied against the incarcerated miscreants:

• Chad Kuzyk - Choosing sissy curling over cool hockey,$138
• Lorraine Robbins - Trying to impose her thoughts on generations of kids in Pincher Creek, $124
• Cliff Elle - for doing a Forrest Gump walk across Alberta, $256
• Dawn Lynn Hochstein - putting left handed tape on a players right ankle, $142
• Carole Goodreau - Failing to yield at yield signs while jogging, $144
• Scott Korbett - Defacing personal property of others, $472
• Chris Davis - Snoops into other peoples business, $2800 ****
• Murray Hochstein - Has been working at John Deere in Pincher longer than anyone else, $340
• Lisa Holoboff - for laughing at everything whether it's funny or not, $223
• Sandy Breckenridge - for being a blood sucker, $144
• Christine Lank - House arrest, done at work
• Pete Schauerte - Secretly wanting to drive a dodge truck, $437
• Clayton Lejan - secretly buys President's Choice toilet paper, $218
• Bill Ternan - Riding nude down highway 6 on an unsaddled gelding in the moonlight, $248
• Cavelle Craig - Dreaming about sitting on a Cat Excavator while watching her fleet of Hitachi's, $229
• Dan Crawford - being loud and overbearing and charges too much for car washes, $500
• Charlie Zachar - removed more nuts than the planters peanut factory, $382
• Adrian Hartman - Being the newest bank manager in Pincher, $189
• Roxanne Baalim - House arrest
• Jackie Gorgichuck - House arrest