The Queen is not Dead - Short may She Reign

Phil Burpee, Columnist, Pincher Creek Voice

Phil Burpee

     Well, fancy that. Premier Redford has seen off the barbarians in handy fashion. The mighty and righteous Wildrose bosom-bus dropped its oil pan and had its pistons seize up with an awful screeching and clattering, even as it was highballing along the rose-petal highway to power and success. It couldn't happen to a nicer crowd, of course, but still, the astonishment was palpable as to just how spectacularly and thoroughly this grand bid for the driver's seat came off the rails. Such was the level of misappropriated confidence and hubris, that Wildrose leader Danielle Smith determined that it was safe to throw all caution to the wind and recklessly pander to the core element of her movement, a particularly unsavoury pack of rabid squirrels, mangy shin-humpers, and snoose-sucking mouth-breathers. We remember the mantra now as it scuttles off with its tail between its legs - .....'climate change is still a matter of debate, flat tax is good for Albertans, bad people go to hell, the judiciary impedes the will of the people, the law of opinion can and should supersede the law of the land, Dani-bucks for all my children, hydrocarbon royalties must be lowered to relieve undue pain and suffering for trans-global corporate behemoths, white people know best, social services belong in the private sector, old people are whiners, everybody in Calgary and Edmonton should drive cars, and Donald Duck never wore pants because he was a duck - duuh!.....' Quite the platform. Rocket science in a Crackerjack box.

So, the odd result is that the 42 year tenure of the Progressive Conservative Party of Alberta at the helm of the provincial ship of state will continue for another five or so years at least. You gotta hand it to the Wildrose though - for all their 'Friday the 13th' horror and general ham-fisted ineptness, they actually had the PCs on the run there for a while. They actually managed to remind people of just how rotten and compromised and jaded and amoral this ancient outfit had become. And they rightly articulated the fact that democracy cannot function without periodic change exactly because vested interests inevitably worm their way into government, and moral bankruptcy coupled with increasingly bad policy is the sorry outcome. I think only the Castro brothers and the al Sauds have been at it longer than the Alberta Tories - hardly even a mere dynasty anymore - more like a geological epoch.

Now that the nags have all bolted, however, Ms. Smith gamely attempts to close the barn door a bit. Uh, good idea, though methinks a tad tardy. 'Perhaps it might be advisable to revisit certain Wildrose policy elements', she thoughtfully muses. Hmm...perhaps indeed. Perhaps Albertans are not in fact the cretinous dupes and dunderheads that Ms. Smith's handlers apparently determined that they were. Drawing policy from the recesses of Dagwood Bumstead's brain might seem like a good idea for folks who actually do want to return to the glory days of the 1950s, but for any thinking individual inhabiting the twenty-first century, it's likely to come up a bit short sooner rather than later. Sooner, of course, turned out to be the night of April 23rd, when the populace broke and ran, returning to the clucking comfort of Mother Tory, and trembling in nervous exhaustion at 'that which they nearly did!' Meanwhile the famished Rosers prowl around outside the coop, weeping and growling and gnashing in frustration and the typically useless rage of incomprehension. "We beg your pa-ardon," they howl - "We only promised you a Ro-ose Ga-arden!"

Ms. Smith is cool and plucky though. She chirps that maybe Wildrose just needs a bit more practice, and that now they will be in the legislature as Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition, cheek by chummy jowl with the estimable Mr. Sherman and the socialist gaggle of Mr. Mason, neither of whom would countenance any mucky-mucking with the WRA anyway, even were it to matter strategically, which it is does not, given that the Tories have, yet again, an absolute majority in the House. So there they will be, 'holding the government to account', whatever in the world that is supposed to mean. But really, all they will actually get is a rather unpleasant and likely unflattering exposure to the spotlight of public scrutiny. And given her already avowed intent to liberate her MLAs to vote and speak as they see fit, good luck trying to rein in the likes of Joe Anglin who, despite the apparently reactionary proclivities that drove him to the Wildrose, is nonetheless a diabolically effective speaker and notoriously suffers fools about as happily as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. And as luck would have it, he will be surrounded with them on the Opposition bench - should be quite the show.

Some say that the Wildrose now has a perfect chance to regroup and hone their schtick for a subsequent final assault on the throne in 2017ish (hello? - will anybody still be awake then?). A somewhat fanciful notion I would say. Let's take a look at the electoral map. South of Calgary it's all green - a Wildrose sweep with the odd blip of blue. Our southern compatriots have chosen to opt for the little pink flower against the big blue colostomy-bag that has been our tradition. It used to be that all you had to do was stand up a blue fence post in these parts to get the nod at election time, but not no more. Now we strive to move 'forward - to the past' as a previously-mentioned hapless former American VP once famously mangled. And here in Livingstone/Macleod, we even managed to toss out one of the truly hard-working and honest MLAs in the person of Evan Berger - a victim of firebrand property-rights extremists and an otherwise poor grasp on the part of the electorate of actual conservative contingencies in the real world. He is to be replaced with a not particularly incisive former denizen of the oil industry, whose chief claim to the job is that he wasn't Evan Berger - big deal. And good luck. Because it will not escape the notice of the fixers in the Premier's office that the southern peasants have been very badly behaved, and that maybe a bit of medicine might do them (us) some good. Look for a not-so-strange disappearance of financial largesse from Edmonton for the various organizational and municipal coffers in the Green Zone. This ain't no slo-pitch tourney - this is hardball. If you're gonna kick the Big Guy in the shins, then better be damn sure you can bring him down and finish the job.

But the other all-too-likely scenario is that Ms. Redford proceeds to finish the job she started on the 23rd. Those representatives of the Patch who tossed some organizational funds to the Wildrose will not be impressed as to the outcome. And these were just a few renegades anyway, thinking they might get in on the ground floor of an even sweeter deal than the already very sweet one traditionally offered by the PCs. The Really Big Money never moved over - just sat buddha-like waiting for the dust to settle to see who's palms might need greasing and/or who's huevos might need further squeezing. Now it is clear that the Firm is still occupying the Government benches, and business may continue apace. What Ms. Redford has to do is move quickly to assuage any concerns on the part of the Patch that any apparent acquiescence to liberal sentiments in the heat of the electoral battle not translate over to relations with the hydrocarbon sector. And it is telling that, as observed by a long-time political observer from the Pass, no-one in the leader's debate even bothered to mention energy - might as well talk about the weather - each will do what it's going to do regardless of mere human squabbling or tinkering. Various commentators have observed that once the Patch assumes supremacy, it is taken off the table as a negotiable component of the status quo - and hence becomes functionally removed from any practicable oversight by the electorate. And nobody in any position of power in Alberta since Peter Lougheed has seriously posited the notion of a thoughtful and apportioned regimen of extraction in the tarsands - Mr. Klein finished that pansy-ass idea off for good. Or as Mr. Mason of the NDP has glumly articulated, if we're going to make a mess of everything anyway and cook the planet, then at least give Albertans those infernal jobs along the way. Indeed.

Ms. Redford has seen off the threat, and now has a bevy of widdling old boys craving after cabinet posts which they neither deserve nor warrant. Wiggledy, wagging contrition will be the order of the day as they scramble to look like good enough puppies to get the nice jobs and perks. They didn't want her to have the job in the first place, but now realize that they owe their wretched livelihoods to her - for any of them would likely have fallen to Ms. Smith - just as did the Golden Boy himself, the now job-seeking Frederick Lee. And now she will motor off to Ottawa and Victoria to see off the other barbarians, especially in B.C., where the inhabitants are dangerously deranged as to the impeccable logic of draping a toxic sludge pipeline across a thousand rivers and streams on its way to the maw of Chinese excess. If the Premier is largely successful, then scenarios of Wildrose shrinkage-unto-oblivion may well come about - if she quails or wobbles however, Ms. Smith could well yet reap the advantage and take up (Federal Environment) Minister Oliver's extremist rhetoric with a vengeance. We shall see what we shall see.

Has anything changed following our rising up as a people to cast our votes? A few faces have. And it is hopefully the case that a smidgeon of Alison Redford's at least superficial modernism will translate into a somewhat more nuanced approach to social issues of the day. But the reality is that, as with recently-emerged revelations as to municipal dollars finding their way into PC bank accounts, the depth of entanglement and complicity with which the PC Party has enmeshed itself in our lives as a province and as a people remains profoundly problematic and disturbing. This is Tory Inc. writ large. Until such time as we come to see to it that a thorough house-cleaning of our governmental apparatus is affected by an evolving political consciousness based on verifiable science and the rapidly-changing realities of an evolving society, we will continue to run the risk of reactionary upswellings, replete with ‘bozo-eruptions’, such as we have recently seen with the Wildrose. An ongoing apathy and pat promises of 'prosperity for all' blind us to the need for grappling with our responsibilities as one of the most dynamic, and therefore one of the most dangerous, hydrocarbon economies in the world. As we do nothing, so is our legacy etched in the shifting sands of time.

Meanwhile, the legislature will return, and at least we will see a few sparks. The Wildrosers will blink dimly into the bright lights of their new-found responsibilities, even as their electors slowly wonder where all the big changes are - wasn't it all supposed to get better? - weren't we supposed to get what we want? - where the hell's all that pie I was promised? But such is democracy - just like a Friday night - the lights, the music, the booze..... wheeeee!......bring it on, bring it on!....everybody's so great!....yeeaaah!

And then, of course - oh dear - the morning after - and the big, hairy stranger snoring contentedly on the other side of your bed - jeez! - where did I leave my clothes? - and this headache!.....................

Phil Burpee

April 28, 2012